Monday, January 8, 2018

Tales from an Overactive Brain at 2 A.M.

Last week, Phillip started yelling in the middle of the night. That's not really normal, so I rolled over and woke him up.

"What was that?" I asked.

"It was a nightmare."

Obviously.

"About what?"

He explained that in his dream, he was on a bus and looked out the window just in time to see a creepy figure running toward him.

"It looked sort of like one of those vampire things in that Will Smith movie," Phillip said.

There was a pause.

"And unfortunately," he continued, "when you woke me up you looked like one of them, so that was pretty scary, too."

With an apology for waking me up in such a disturbing way (and, I'd like to think, for comparing me to a nocturnal vampire mutant,) he rolled over and went to sleep, leaving me to ponder the random things my brain ponders when it gets woken up in the middle of the night.

When your stream-of-consciousness looks like this, no wonder you can't get back to sleep in the middle of the night.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

A transcript of my inner dialogue for the next 45 minutes is as follows:

Okay, that was weird, but it's time to go back to sleep now.

...What was the name of that movie, anyway?

I Am Hero?

Maybe I should Google it. No, blue light is bad for sleep.

What happened in that movie, anyway? I saw it in the theater and literally the only thing I remember was that gas cost like $15 a gallon.

Seriously, I remember nothing about that movie. Not even what the vampires looked like.

Maybe I should Google it.

I Am Legend. That was the name. You can't have me today, early onset dementia.

Remember when Will Smith was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

I miss those days.

Iiiiiin West Philadelphia, born and raised! On the playground was where I spent most of my days...

[full disclosure: I actually went through all the lyrics, but that's okay because you're already singing it now and we both know you know every word.]

Why can I remember every word to that song when I haven't heard it in 20 years? Brains are weird.

Will Smith used to do fun stuff like Men in Black.

Hey, I wonder if my kids would like Men in Black.

What was that movie rated, anyway? Every time I try to show the kids a movie I liked when I was young, it turns out to be wildly inappropriate.

Okay, it's really time to get some sleep.

Find a comfortable position, relax.

Let's try counting down from 100 slowly.

100...

99...

98...

97...

Hey, remember that scene in Titanic where everyone knows they're about to die so that mom spends her last minutes tucking in her kids and reading them a bedtime story?

Oh my gosh, why would I think about that right now?!

100...

99...

And the old couple that holds hands and lies down together waiting to drown?

AAAGH, stop!

Seriously, though, what would I do if Phillip died?

I'd have to sell the house. Ugh, moving.

I couldn't take all his stuff with me. That would be sad.

I'd probably want to keep some of his shirts for sentimental reasons. Probably the green one he wears to go running...

Okay, this is not helpful.

Breathe slowly.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I wonder what time it is.

It's kind of light out but I think that's coming from the moon.

I'm not sold on this not-having-a-clock-in-the-bedroom thing. It's annoying. My phone is way over there.

Wow, there are a lot of weird noises in our house at night.

Is that a toilet flushing? Again? We have got to stop letting the kids drink anything after dinner.

Now the baby is stirring.

Okay, he's back asleep.

How do people move their babies in with their siblings? He's the noisiest sleeper ever. He'd wake them up all night.

He's going to be in a Pack n Play in our room forever. I wonder what the weight limit is on those things...


I think it was some time around this point that I began to fall back asleep. I envy people who can just flip a switch and conk out when they're tired. Maybe their brains aren't conspiring against them the way mine likes to.

As it is, I'm going to feel like a zombie tomorrow. Or maybe those things in I Am Legend, which I need to Google first thing in the morning to look for a resemblance, anyway.

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5 comments:

  1. Hilarous! This was like my mind last night when trying to fall asleep . . . only I could never remember and tell it like this!

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  2. I did just sing all the words to fresh prince, quite easily, for the time in 20 years. At first I said, I won't remember them, and then they just came pouring out. So weird.

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  3. I relate to this way too much. Gracie has been up at all hours of the night for the past week, and I can never fall back to sleep so I start thinking ridiculous thoughts, freak myself out which makes me even more awake, and the vicious cycle continues.

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  4. Yeap... That was my last night too... With a mixture of crying and writing... No kids thought. I can't sing the fresh prince song because I saw it in Spanish and the song didn't even rime, but the montage from the intro was hilarious.
    Yes maybe our 90s/80s stuff are what nowadays is call inapropiate but I think those stuff where helalfthier.
    I hope one day finaly my brain will decide to let me back to sleep as when I was a teen. Specially when I'm on vacation as I am....

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  5. Jenny, why didn't you punch him, OR bite his neck when he still thought you were a vampire?? Lost opportunity there!! lol
    Yeah, I have weird nightmares, and lie-awake-thinking-weird=thoughts moments too.
    Is it cuz we're women?? Seems as if men think, "I'm tired now." and Poof! They're asleep!

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