There are things I don't really broadcast about myself, but I'm pretty sure you do them too, and I think it's high time to air these babies out in the open.
Confession: Sometimes I forget my kids in time-out.
I've made the mistake of putting a child in time-out where I can't see them, and unless I've set a timer, it may not turn out well. You know how it is. You get caught up in whatever's going on until 15 minutes later you hear a faint, tearful voice trembling: "Mom, can I come out now??" Good thing kids are quick to forgive, and to be honest they probably earned those minutes doing something earlier and just never got caught.
Confession: I have more than 40 overdue books on my library account right now.
I blame my book-obsessed children. I also blame the fact that my library doesn't have check-out limits and they don't start fining you until you are 45 days overdue. This policy has been bad for my overall sense of duty and responsibility, but really good for my math skills. I can instantly tell you what's 45 days after any date on the calendar if you ask me.
Confession: I'm sort of lying to my dentist.
I hardly ever floss, except for doing it obsessively the week before my semi-annual dental cleaning like it's 1998 and I'm cramming for the final exam in AP English. Ordinarily I wouldn't feel bad about that, but it doesn't seem like anyone at my dentist's office has figured out that I'm cheating and tells me "good job" every time. This leads me to wonder if regular flossing is just a marketing scam.
Confession: I suck at being the tooth fairy.
If our tooth fairy was any other employee I would've fired her a long time ago. She's forgotten to come get the tooth rotting under my kid's pillow for 3 consecutive nights before, and let me tell you that a 6-year-old with a quivering lip at your bedside first thing in the morning wailing "She didn't come again!" is the worst way to start your day. Oh, and once she didn't have any cash so she stole money from the child's piggy bank bank to put under his pillow. (I later paid it back; I'm not a monster.)
Confession: I know way too much about getting rid of fruit flies.
In the summer months, it's more common than not to see a homemade fruit fly trap on the counter as a semi-permanent kitchen fixture. (I recently learned you can suck up the whole lot of them in 30 seconds with a Shop-Vac and my life will never be the same.) While we're confessing stuff, I'll go ahead and say that I've battled not one, but two fruit fly infestations in my van. Serves me right for those two times I encouraged fresh fruit as an on-the-go snack instead of Goldfish crackers like every other normal person on the planet. Those things will survive Armageddon.
Confession: I try to trick myself into folding laundry and it never works.
I don't even know why I bother to do this but I often pile unfolded laundry on the bed, thinking "This way, I'll have to fold it before I go to sleep!" So brilliant, I am. Never mind that what actually happens is that I forget all about it until I wander in there bleary-eyed and ready to drop into bed, and then I'm shocked to find a mountain of laundry in my way. It's like I've punk'd myself, every time. And then it goes on top of the dresser which is like garment purgatory.
Confession: I have probably 100 pictures of babies sleeping with their butts up in the air.
Every time I see one of my babies doing this, the camera comes out. I know, even as I'm taking the picture, that it looks identical to the five other ones I took this month except for maybe different pairs of pajamas, but I can't help myself. If I see a lumpy infant conked out with his little butt stuck up in the air, then there must be a picture of that. No exceptions.
What do YOU want to confess? (It feels good to get it out in the open, I promise.)