Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Realistic Virtue Names for Your Baby

The practice of naming babies after cherished virtues dates back to the Puritans, who were famous for saddling their kids with labels like Temperance and Constance. Charity and Grace are still common names today, and from time to time you might even meet a Serenity or a Verity.

Giving your child a virtue name vocalizes the hopes and dreams for the goodness you'll one day see in your child.

However, you might not even realize the irony in what you've done until 2-year-old Patience is screaming face-down on the floor of the cereal aisle because you took 3.5 seconds to unwrap her granola bar.

So might I suggest some more realistic virtue names to give your bundle of joy? Because why kid ourselves.

Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Insolence


The soft vowel sounds in this word meaning 'rudely intrusive and presumptuous' make it a lovely name that rolls off the tongue. It'll also describe your child perfectly when you tell him not to touch your iPhone again and he looks you straight in the eye while deliberately poking it in slow-motion with one finger. Other names you might like: Insubordination, Mutiny, and Delinquency.


Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Pandemonium


This sophisticated way to say 'riotous uproar' or 'utter chaos' is a fantastic choice for parents who want everyone who meets their child to know what they're up against. But if you have a longer last name you may want to go with something that's less of a mouthful, like Bedlam or Anarchy. Other names you might like: Cacophony and Entropy.

Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Subjugation


Meaning 'enslavement,' this word comes from the Latin phrase for 'bringing under a yoke.' While it might seem like an awfully grown-up name for your little peanut, you'll quickly see how appropriate it is when you've been holding her and swaying for 4 hours straight in the dead of night because you aren't allowed to sit down. Other names you might like: Dominance and Sovereignty.

Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Cataclysm


The offbeat, edgy sound of this underused name guarantees that it will go mainstream someday, but for now it's still relatively unheard of. It's a highly versatile word that can mean either 'violent upheaval' or 'extensive flooding,' both of which will appear to have happened recently in your living room from the time your child begins crawling to approximately the day he moves out. Other names you might like: Recklessness, Demolition, and Detonation.


Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}


Inconsistency and Aversion


What better way to dub your dynamic duo than with the names of the twin hallmarks of childhood? Inconsistency, or 'the arbitrary and illogical changing of viewpoints,' leads a child who formally loved something as innocuous as bananas or socks to suddenly develop an aversion (or 'intense hatred') to the same objects overnight. Other twin names you might like: Vexation and Intensity.

Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}


Interrogation


Equally darling on either a boy or a girl, this moniker ensures that your child will stop at literally nothing to get answers: How do planes stay up? Can I have another drink? What happened to all the leftover brownies? Forward-thinking yet classic at the same time, this name will always stand up to just one more round of questioning. Other names you might like: Petition, Insistence, and Relentlessness.


It's true that the sky's the limit for virtue names, but the wise parent will choose something a little more down to earth.

Since this is the name you'll be calling after your child as they run away from you in department stores for years to come, let's do ourselves a favor and just call a spade a spade.

What's your favorite realistic virtue name for baby?

Charity and Grace are nice, but let's do ourselves a favor and call a spade a spade, okay?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

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11 comments:

  1. I love this! Decimation is my choice ;). It has a lovey ring, but unlike its meaning, more than ten percent of your possessions will be destroyed.

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  2. This is hilarious. I have always thought naming a baby with a vitue name was setting yourself up for God to laugh at you. I like Insolence the best. It would actually be a pretty sounding name.

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  3. So, I personally like Cacophony the best. It actually sort of sounds like it could be a real name AND hello, totally relevant to babies.

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  4. Oh of course! Why choose a virtue when you could pick a vice? I have one child for whom "Vexation" would be the perfect name ;)

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    1. One child who shall remain unnamed here, of course.

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  5. I like all of these and whether or not we actually put them on their birth certificates, we do have the option of nicknames right?

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    1. And whether they actually know that's their nickname or not... maybe we can just use that one in our heads.

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  6. I think "Stamina" would suit my older daughter. Or perhaps "Moxie" (which almost sounds like a real name).

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    1. I love both of those and I'll bet there are several Moxies out there already!

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