Wednesday, September 14, 2016

An Evolution in Hair

You can tell a lot about a person by their hair. Or so I've been told. So I wonder what mine would say about me?

Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years  the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

As you can see from this picture taken the day after I was born, I had quite the stunning crop of dark hair right from birth. I'm sure my mother, nose pictured at left, was thrilled at the prospect of styling it. (She thought I'd be a boy.)

She tells me, though, that all this hair all fell out after a few months and grew back lighter. I was actually pretty blonde as a little kid.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

You know how your mom did something goofy once and you never stopped teasing her about it, even though it happened years or maybe decades ago? Well, in our family, that's this haircut.

I sort of get lost in looking at it, actually. It just goes around, and around, and around. There's no beginning and no end. Just a bowl cut as far as the eye can see.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

That's me up on the ladder, circa 1988. As you can see my hair grew out by 1st grade, although I was still kind of top-heavy with the bangs. I like to think of myself as a 6-year-old Zooey Deschanel.

Anyway, I mostly included this picture because it was a pretty high point of my elementary school career. I was chosen for the lead role of Tillie the Tooth in our school play. Just imagine reclining on your throne, watching your classmates (dressed as healthy foods) march in subservience below you. Now that's power.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

That's me on the right in the Mickey Mouse shirt, pictured with my brother Dan and our favorite babysitter, Amy. I could go on and on dissecting the quintessential 1990s-ness of our clothes (I'm wearing my favorite pair of floral print bike shorts, FYI) but I'll try to focus since this is about hair.

At first glance I appear to have a female mullet (or 'fullet') but this is just what hair looks like a few months after you get a partial shave for brain surgery.

I was born with a malformed blood vessel in my brain that burst when I was 10. More details are on that here, but kids bounce back fast. I was lucky because most women with my defect either don't know they have it and it bursts in childbirth, or they know about it and have to have all C-sections to avoid it busting. Had either of those things happened, I might not have the six kids I have today (and to whom I'm currently giving haircuts they'll give me a hard time about in the future.)

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Middle school, man, and I had it all: the braces, the bangs, the perm. Make it stop.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Okay. Deep breath. We got through the rough stuff. It gets better. This is actually one of my favorite hairstyles. It was the first time I ever went short with my hair and I loved it!

You may notice that Phillip looks a little underdressed for the prom. You are right. I went with a mutual friend of ours who was a senior in high school like me, since Phillip had just finished his freshman year of college.

I can't remember if I went with someone else because I thought it was weird for a college guy to go to the prom, or because Phillip was getting ready to serve a 2-year religious mission and we'd decided to cool it with the lovey-dovey crap so he could focus and pick up where we left off when he got back. Whichever.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Well, that cute pixie cut didn't last long. Welcome to the painful world of trying to figure out how the heck to gracefully grow your hair out. Also, look who discovered blonde-in-a-box!

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

I persevered and finally got that long hair, when it started to look a little normal again. I have to admit that the blonde is growing on me.

Phillip is back from his mission to Venezuela, we're married, and here I am, weeks away from having our first baby in 2004. We're smiling here because we have no clue what that's really going to be like.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Aaaaand now I had the baby and my hair has been in a ponytail ever since. Just kidding. Sort of.

Also, please notice Phillip sleeping sitting up in the background. I think he's discovered what it's actually like to have a newborn.

And then for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do this to my head:

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

I have no clue what this is, actually. 

The particulars of why I walked into the salon and asked the stylist "Can you make me look like a platinum Christmas tree?" are a little hazy, but I do remember why I cut it in the first place: babies.

This was the beginning of a decade-long cycle, though I didn't know it at the time. I would grow my hair long, have a baby, then cut it when they reached 4 months old and started wrapping their chubby little fingers in it and ripping it out every chance they get.

So here we go, from short:

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

To long:

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Back to short:

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

And then long again:

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Finally here we are last year, when I most recently cut my hair short.

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
I'm not glowing because I'm an angel. I'm glowing because my lens is dirty.
I actually like this one, too. It looked nothing like the picture of Victoria Beckham that I brought in to show the stylist (do they ever?) but I was still happy with the way it turned out.

And here I am today:

An Evolution in Hair -- Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

My baby recently turned 4 months old though, so if past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, this will all be going bye-bye real soon.

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12 comments:

  1. I remember once having my Dad cut my hair very short, like right at my ears. It was cute for about a week. Then I mostly looked like a mushroom. I've not gone short again since then! And, my hair has perpetually been in a braid since Monkey Boy was born. I suppose I went from wearing a bun (when I was younger) to wearing a braid, thinking I'm somehow a little more grown up! lol :)

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    1. I kind of thought I looked like a mushroom in the short-ish hair with the pink shirt. But you should've seen the back, which is why I liked that haircut so much. It was the only time I've ever had volume in my hair. Most of the time it goes flat as a pancake to my head really quickly.

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  2. This whole post cracked me up tremendously. This is fantastic. That bowl cut though...I had a super short bob when I was really young, and I'm still not sure what my rationale (do little kids ever have a rationale?) was for it, because I'm just not sure that I can pull off extremely short hair. You look great with short hair! I love the pixie cut look on you (and your prom dress looks super amazing, btw!). My hair cycle is a bit less dramatic: I grow out my hair, when it hits around my shoulders or whatever I get crazy because it's so "high maintenance" when brushing it and long hair makes me feel obligated to do something cute with it, so I have a friend (or my husband) chop it off to be just above shoulders (pretty much the length where your hair is right now). Repeat. A few weeks ago when my hair was in pigtails, Peter discovered that he could pull my hair, so I'll just have to see over time if I want to go shorter or not haha.

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    1. Oh, dear! My mom made that prom dress, by the way! She also did my wedding dress.

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  3. I have to say, I really like the platinum Christmas tree. I feel like (aside from the platinum) that's what I wanted my hair to look like ten years ago. I'm pretty sure Mandy Moore had that same hair. So trendy.

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    1. It looks silly now, but in retrospect that was a HIGHLY fashionable look at the time!

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  4. I once asked Taylor how he would describe me as a child. He responded, "You had a bowl cut."

    You pull off that short hair so well! I love the pixie cut!

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  5. "it was a pretty high point of my elementary school career." Jenny- you are so funny!! You look cute in each and every one of theses pix!! But I really liked the pixie! Please go back to that one!!
    Oh, the hair pulling!!

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  6. Short hair looks really good on you! I don't really like getting haircuts, but I like short hair, so I tend to get 1-2 haircuts a year and bounce between a long pixie and shoulder length as a result.

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  7. Brave lady. The world could not handle seeing my evolution. Love your current look for sure!

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  8. Haha! I recognize so many of these 90s/early 2000s haircuts. I also did the short haircut when Gracie was 5 months old, and now it's getting pretty long again. Though it's forever up in a mom bun.

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  9. My hair grows really, really fast when I am pregnant, and it doesn't fall out, so it is extra thick as well as long by the time the baby comes. Then at three months it all starts to fall out! Think sweeping up big rolls of hair all over the house and hair in every sandwich! Then I cut it short.

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