Brace yourselves, you're about to see some of my choicest hairstyles throughout the years — the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.
As you can see from this picture taken the day after I was born, I had quite the stunning crop of dark hair right from birth. I'm sure my mother, nose pictured at left, was thrilled at the prospect of styling it. (She thought I'd be a boy.)
She tells me, though, that all this hair all fell out after a few months and grew back lighter. I was actually pretty blonde as a little kid.
You know how your mom did something goofy once and you never stopped teasing her about it, even though it happened years or maybe decades ago? Well, in our family, that's this haircut.
I sort of get lost in looking at it, actually. It just goes around, and around, and around. There's no beginning and no end. Just a bowl cut as far as the eye can see.
That's me up on the ladder, circa 1988. As you can see my hair grew out by 1st grade, although I was still kind of top-heavy with the bangs. I like to think of myself as a 6-year-old Zooey Deschanel.
Anyway, I mostly included this picture because it was a pretty high point of my elementary school career. I was chosen for the lead role of Tillie the Tooth in our school play. Just imagine reclining on your throne, watching your classmates (dressed as healthy foods) march in subservience below you. Now that's power.
That's me on the right in the Mickey Mouse shirt, pictured with my brother Dan and our favorite babysitter, Amy. I could go on and on dissecting the quintessential 1990s-ness of our clothes (I'm wearing my favorite pair of floral print bike shorts, FYI) but I'll try to focus since this is about hair.
At first glance I appear to have a female mullet (or 'fullet') but this is just what hair looks like a few months after you get a partial shave for brain surgery.
I was born with a malformed blood vessel in my brain that burst when I was 10. More details are on that here, but kids bounce back fast. I was lucky because most women with my defect either don't know they have it and it bursts in childbirth, or they know about it and have to have all C-sections. Had those things happened, I might not have the six kids I have today (and to whom I'm currently giving haircuts they'll give me a hard time about in the future.)
Middle school, man, and I had it all: the braces, the bangs, the perm. Make it stop.
Okay. Deep breath. We got through the rough stuff. It gets better. This is actually one of my favorite hairstyles. It was the first time I ever went short with my hair and I loved it!
You may notice that Phillip looks a little underdressed for the prom. You are right. I went with a mutual friend of ours who was a senior in high school like me, since Phillip had just finished his freshman year of college.
I can't remember if I went with someone else because I thought it was weird for a college guy to go to the prom, or because Phillip was getting ready to serve a 2-year religious mission and we'd decided to cool it with the lovey-dovey crap so he could focus and pick up where we left off when he got back. Whichever.
Well, that cute pixie cut didn't last long. Welcome to the painful world of trying to figure out how the heck to gracefully grow your hair out. Also, look who discovered blonde-in-a-box!
I persevered and finally got that long hair, when it started to look a little normal again. I have to admit that the blonde is growing on me.
Phillip is back from his mission to Venezuela, we're married, and here I am, weeks away from having our first baby in 2004. We're smiling here because we have no clue what that's really going to be like.
Aaaaand now I had the baby and my hair has been in a ponytail ever since. Just kidding. Sort of.
Also, please notice Phillip sleeping sitting up in the background. I think he's discovered what it's actually like to have a newborn.
And then for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do this to my head:
I have no clue what this is, actually.
The particulars of why I walked into the salon and asked the stylist "Can you make me look like a platinum Christmas tree?" are a little hazy, but I do remember why I cut it in the first place: babies.
This was the beginning of a decade-long cycle, though I didn't know it at the time. I would grow my hair long, have a baby, then cut it when they reached 4 months old and started wrapping their chubby little fingers in it and ripping it out every chance they get.
So here we go, from short:
Back to short:
And then long again:
Finally here we are last year, when I most recently cut my hair short.
|I'm not glowing because I'm an angel. I'm glowing because my lens is dirty.|
And here I am today:
My baby recently turned 4 months old though, so if past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, this will all be going bye-bye real soon.