In the last 13 years we've had so much fun. So much fun, you guys, and I usually don't even like having fun. I'm a hard-core Type A workaholic. Phillip balances me out.
This being our anniversary, I got to thinking of all these hilarious moments from the last decade plus one year, and decided to share the top 13 with you all.
1. That time he lost me in Labor & Delivery. When I went into labor in the middle of the night with Baby #3, we drove to the hospital and he offered to drop me off at the door. Remembering last time when I had to waddle all the way from the parking garage while having contractions and leaking amniotic fluid (sorry for the visual), I happily agreed. I plopped down in a wheelchair in the lobby and waited for him to come get me; he parked the car and headed up to Labor & Delivery, assuming I'd meet him there. The admissions nurses probably still have a good old laugh about the guy who showed up that one time to have a baby without his wife.
2. When I accidentally told everyone Phillip was a college basketball star. When we moved to Ohio after college, Phillip started playing ball with some guys at church and I mentioned that he'd played intramurally at BYU. Somehow this turned into a rumor that he played on the college team and everyone just about lost their minds with excitement. Sorry, guys. Phillip is good but not that good.
3. One 4th of July weekend, Phillip took a mountain bike pedal through the leg in a biking accident so I took him to the ER. They showed us to an exam room and told him to lie on his stomach so they could look at the gouge in the back of his calf. When the nurse came in she balanced her clipboard on his buttcheek and told him that he had "nice legs for a biker." I think she meant not that many scars but I guess we'll never be totally sure.
4. All the times he's brought home weird food. This is never something I particularly enjoy at the time, but it's always good for a laugh later. Like the time he cooked us liver and we barely lived to tell about it. Or the time he invented the most self-loathing green smoothies ever. Or when he came home from the grocery store and made a stew using this:
|In all fairness, I requested the beef tongue for an international recipe for educational purposes.|
5. During one particularly intense semester of college during our first year of marriage, Phillip jumped out of bed in the middle of the night screaming and pointing at me because he had a nightmare that I was a math problem.
6. When he brought home a psychotic hamster. One of our girls wanted a hamster more than anything for Christmas one year, and so despite the fact that we are Not Pet People, he drove to PetSmart after they were in bed on Christmas Eve to get one. On the freeway coming home, it started ferociously trying to chew its way out of its cardboard box, and he had to keep stuffing socks in the holes to keep the thing from getting loose in the car and probably going straight for his jugular.
|Don't be fooled by the fuzzy cheeks. This is the face of a killer.|
7. The year he gave me an ice scraper for Christmas. And it was the best present ever. I laughed until I cried.
8. Once a flying squirrel fell down our chimney and got trapped in our fireplace. I was at a loss for how to get the thing out (without letting it loose in the house,) but Phillip's engineering degree proved invaluable that day and he constructed a channel from the fireplace to the door and chased the squirrel through it with a broom. I wish that was our only story of the sort but it's not; we have a serious squirrel problem.
9. How he comes up with fun ways to announce our pregnancies to the kids. Once he told them, "Mom and I are making something. Well, mostly Mom, but I helped. Can you guess what it is?" Another time he gave them a math problem to solve, something like: take our street address, multiply by 2, subtract 50, and add the number of people in our family. The kids kept getting the answer wrong by one and finally he told them they were using the wrong number of people!
10. When he found a Christmas tree in our backyard. He's all for the authentic piney smell of a real Christmas tree; I'm really cheap. One year we compromised by picking a scraggly Charlie Brown tree out of the woods behind our house and he cut it down with a hacksaw.
|The branches were too puny to hold most of our ornaments, but it served its time and purpose well.|
11. The time he took me to a death metal keyboard concert on a date. When the guy came out in a floor-length black leather trenchcoat I had the feeling this might be the strangest thing I'd ever seen. When he started to jam out on the keyboard to a song called "Screaming Head," I knew it for sure.
12. The day before I came home from the hospital with Baby #4, I asked Phillip to pick up some ibuprofen from CVS. He bought me this mondo 1,000-count bottle that could tranquilize a horse (I guess it looked like I was in a lot of pain.)
|Our children will inherit this when we die.|
13. In the early years of our marriage, the media became fond of smashing couples' names together to make one name. 'Brangelina' and 'TomKat' were two we saw frequently splashed across the cover of OK! magazine. Those are alright, but I'm sure that nobody has a better couple name than 'Phillifer,' which we now use to introduce ourselves at parties.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Life with Phillip is so much fun and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I might be tempted if you offered me a nap, but even then I'd say no. I'm way too curious about what hilarious stories we'll have 13 years from now.