Friday, April 22, 2016

7 Quick Takes about Living It Up Over Spring Break, Being Married to a Welterweight, and Going into Labor in Hollywood

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


Spring break week here, and the weather is getting warmer and warmer. I couldn't put it off any longer.

We finally did The Great Seasonal Clothing Swap, which is an all-day nightmare where I pull down a ton of clothes from the attic and the kids each try on 50 pairs of pants, while I try to keep all the piles straight and yell at everyone a lot.

(Now, if that's not a fun spring break I don't know what is. I heard some of my kids' friends' parents are making them go to Disneyworld, poor saps.)

I've actually been putting this off for weeks hoping I'd go into labor first. Presumably Phillip or somebody would've had to do it if I stayed in the hospital long enough.

2


I've also been hard at work scrubbing bathtubs, deep cleaning the fridge, organizing the black holes in our kitchen we call "cabinets," and other domestic tasks I normally find excuses to avoid.

Please do not mention the word 'nesting' to me.

I'm not nesting. I'm a realist. I know I'm not going to do any of this stuff with a starving newborn strapped to my chest all hours of the day and night, so unless I want to shower with a mildewy curtain for the next year I'd better clean it now. It's all perfectly logical.

3


Phillip and I have been locked in a silent competition for the last few months.

It came about because we started eating a lot differently, basically a ton more vegetables and not much sugar or meat (I know, but it's slightly less awful than it sounds.)

The point of this was health, but then Phillip dropped 10 pounds in a couple of weeks and kept on going, which is a lot because he's already skinny.

Combine that with the fact that I'm pregnant and gaining weight at the speed of a Japanese bullet train, we thought it would be fun to see if we could tip the scales: him weighing in under 150 (because he's never done it before) and me weighing over 150 (for the same reason.)

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

And we did it! I officially weigh more than my husband, who's 8 inches taller than me. I feel like we deserve our own reality show now.

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
This picture reminds me of those photos tourists take holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's probably the closest we'll be getting to Italy for some time.

4


My 10-year-old had seven of her friends over this weekend for a backyard BBQ party, and it was quite interesting listening to their conversations. (If you just be real quiet, they kind of forget you're there.)

I learned a lot, including that if you have a dream where you and all your friends turn into waffles and your crush eats you, and then you ask him at school the next day if he likes waffles and you find out he does, it is (and I quote) "soooooo freaky."

5


Many of you probably know the Boston Marathon was on Monday, but what you may not know is that they open up the course at midnight the night before to bikers.

Unlike last year, Phillip rode both ways (about 60 miles) on the course, which I felt was excessive considering it was the middle of the night and only 45 degrees out, but it's his life.

When he came back home at around 5:45 I half woke up and asked how it was, to which he responded "Cold" before I fell back asleep.

Later he said he was thankful for getting in bed with my furnace of a belly, which seems to become a radiator of sorts when I'm gestating a tiny human.

6


I was a little confused about why Phillip wanted to do this crazy biking thing in the first place. He's not super-passionate about road biking, after all, and he never really gave me a satisfactory answer.

After a few days of thinking about it he told me, "Guys sometimes do dumb stuff just to say we did it, really."

So I guess I'm not missing out on anything by not having a Y chromosome.

7


We finally finished the final season of Downton Abbey this week and while I know it wasn't the whole point of the series, I just want to say that watching women in labor on TV drives me crazy.

It's always the same thing: water breaks and they're immediately doubled over and screaming in agony. Why? Surely, someone in the television industry knows someone who's had a baby and realizes it's not like this.

If anybody can recommend a show where the woman calmly asks herself, "Crap, did my water break or did I just pee myself?" then I will gladly watch it. Because that's keeping it real.

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17 comments:

  1. Story #4 made me laugh out loud. Listening to kids' conversations is one of my favorite things in life. They are weirder than anything one could possibly invent. We did a no-sugar, no-meat fast for a few weeks before and that made even me lose weight, so I understand that that kind of eating can have pretty much instant effects (wasn't trying to lose weight, btw, in case anyone worries about my sanity).

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    1. Kids are one case where truth is definitely stranger than fiction.

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  2. I can attest to the fact that you do at first think you peed yourself when you water breaks. Luckily, by the third time around your mind works more quickly and there is not a moment of panic wondering I you peed in this restaurant chair. Of course, having your water break in a restaurant chair is only slightly less embarrassing!
    For my last 3 or 4 pregnancies I had too much false labor to do any cleaning. I actually found it easier after the baby was born. Of course I was teetering on 200 lbs instead of 150 so that probably didn't help!

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    1. I actually had a false alarm before my son was born where I woke up thinking my water broke but I wasn't sure. Contractions never started but I went in to have them check me out - they have a test of some kind to check, and my water in fact had not broken. So basically I went to the hospital because I peed my pants.

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  3. I love those pictures of you and your husband!!! So cute :)
    So much agreement on #7! I haven't given birth yet, but my husband and I are finishing up childbirth classes (where we watch birth videos) and I've read tons of childbirth books (I particularly enjoyed Ina May's Guide to Childbirth), and I was surprised to learn that actual childbirth is not like how it is portrayed on TV! Ugh, television...they should really hire a mom of several kids (you!) as a consultant.

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    1. I would take that job. I would be like, "No, no, no! This is SO unrealistic. She needs to poop on the delivery table! Come on, guys. Get with the program here."

      Good luck with everything (you don't always poop on the delivery table, by the way. Don't be scared.)

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  4. OMGosh! You are so funny with the weighing more than your husband. Hey, I weigh more than both of you (no, not put together, smart aleck). Add me to that reality show. I'll be the kooky best friend.
    (And I'm imagining husband lost 5 more pounds on his alnighter bike ride. Don't look on the scale. It'll be salt in the wound.)

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    1. It will possibly be less funny to weigh more than him several months after I've had the baby. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

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  5. I was also weighing more than my husband during the third trimester. That was not a good moment for me.

    I AGREE about shows that show the water breaking and the baby born 5 minutes later. It drives me crazy. I wonder how much it would astonish the writers to hear that a midwife had to actually break my water after 16 hours of labor?

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    1. Yikes. See, those are the stories. The real ones.

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  6. I'm against the whole calling it "nesting" thing too. Mostly because I've never really had the feeling of actually wanting to clean the house like that, it's more just that as spring/summer start to come in, I start to notice a lot more dirt on my walls. Also, I don't like bugs in my house. Lately I've noticed more than I'd like of both, so I guess I better buckle down and get to work too. It won't happen after the baby comes and it will only get worse from there.

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    1. Yes! It's not really a compulsion to clean, it's just a reluctant acknowledgment that I have to do it now or never. Good luck to you!

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  7. Jenny, you crack me up girl!!
    Wow, weighing more than your husband, welcome to my life!! ALL 3 husbands!
    whatever! I'm worth my weight in gold.
    I love those pix too! Eh, Rome is overrated.
    Great job with the cleaning, and the clothes switching and stuff!
    Have the kids ordered your Oscar for Best Hollywood Mom yet??

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  8. Guys just do indeed do things to say they did. Now seeing little boys do it is kind of a hoot!

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  9. This is HILARIOUS!

    I will not say one word about nesting, since I am very much not pregnant and currently filled with the bizarre desire to deep-clean our townhouse. This month I've dusted all of the blinds in the house for the first time since we moved in a year ago... I've dusted our bedroom multiple times now that I've realized how quickly the dust accumulates. I not only cleaned out our fridge, but I pulled out every shelf and scrubbed it. There's so much more that I want to do, but I'm playing catch-up on my regular chores after being gone for a week.

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    1. So it IS a real thing!

      (P.S: If you finish your house and need more to do, please let me know. You can come on over and stay as long as you like.)

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  10. I gained 50 pounds with my first pregnancy....I felt like a balloon

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