And I do, really. But there are many parts of the English language that I just don't understand. Such as when people say the following phrases to me:
1. "It's always in the last place you look."
Uh, yeah it is. Literally every time I'm looking for something, I stop after looking in the place where I find it. So weird.
I just can't trust a phrase that poses as a witty truism when really, it's nothing more than a benign observation.
2. "Better is the enemy of good enough."
Phillip says this to me all the time when I'm tweaking a project. I think he says it just to bug me.
Because the obvious answer to that is, "No silly, it's the other way around: Good enough is the enemy of better. Every perfectionist knows that."
3. "Don't worry about the dishes and the laundry, they'll still be there tomorrow."
Dear person saying this to me: I believe you're confused about the reason behind my anxiety.
On the surface I may appear to be distressed about the very real possibility that my housework will evaporate overnight, but that isn't actually so.
I'm afraid that my family is in serious danger of being buried underneath piles of filthy plates and/or clothes so high they collapsed beneath their own weight, and that no survivors will ever be found.
But thank you for trying to comfort me, anyway. I appreciate the sentiment.
4. "Bob's your uncle."
What the heck does this even mean? I've never heard a real person say it out loud before, under any circumstances, probably because nobody else knows what it means, either.
Phillip has started using it as you might use a curse word, just for fun, and the best part is that nobody can correct him.
5. "There's more than one way to skin a cat."
Who skins cats? And why? What kind of a weirdo does this, and especially why would he invent more than one method?
Also, just practically speaking, isn't there only one way, which is removing the skin? Clearly I've thought about this one way too much. I need a shower.
And those are the five English language phrases that make my face go like this:
What common sayings don't you get?