For having 5 kids of my own, I sure am the world's worst babysitter. When my friend Becky and her husband scored tickets to see the Red Sox play the Yankees, I said I'd be happy to watch her daughters and put them to bed while they went to the game.
Unfortunately, the 2-year-old thought having anyone except her mom put her to bed was a terrible idea. She went to sleep, but woke up at 11:30. When she realized that the only adult around was still not her mom, she went ballistic. And woke up her sister who started crying, too.
So Becky came home at midnight to find both girls fully awake and hysterical. I don't think I could've felt guiltier if she'd walked in to find us in the living room doing jello shots and playing Grand Theft Auto.
I hope we can still be friends, or at least that there's no restraining order.
Phillip wanted our preschooler to take a nap on Sunday, but getting her to lie down in bed is like trying to nail Jell-o to the wall, if Jell-o also whined the whole time.
So he sat her on his lap and showed her a 5-minute video he found on YouTube called "RELAX! THIS WILL PUT YOU TO SLEEP!"
And that, friends, is what we call truth in advertising.
We took the kids to the zoo on Tuesday and I noticed some, um, unusual sculpture. Do you see it?
|Why yes, that is the bloody corpse of an antelope.|
It's all the rage in tree-decorating now!
I think the statue was meant to make you feel like you're right there in the middle of the African plain, where a leopard has just dragged its freshly-killed prey into a tree.
My first thought was: Wow, that's pretty weird.
My second thought: Wait, am I sure that's a statue?
Third thought: It couldn't be real; that fence doesn't look very leopard-proof.
Fourth thought: Let's get out of here before somebody gets eaten. Direct me to the tortoise exhibit!
My dad showed Phillip, who's sort of an adrenaline junkie, this crazy mountain biking video he found on Facebook:
Here was the running commentary as we watched it:
6-year-old at 2:06 - "Haha, he's jumping with his bike!"
Me at 2:51 - "That doesn't even look fun. Not even a little bit."
9-year-old at 3:45 - "Wait, what?! Somebody really did this?"
Phillip at 4:57 - "This is what I should be doing with my life..."
My dad at 6:21 - "Now he's gotta go in the river and clean out his shorts."
As it does roughly every 6 months, our printer died. Apparently buying the absolute cheapest printer in existence isn't a recipe for longevity. But guess what? We also bought an extended 3-year warranty for $20, which has gotten us 4 new printers and counting.
Our semiannual printer delivery was today. They even sent us ink, meaning that they are pretty much paying us at this point.
What is up with My Little Pony Equestria dolls? I don't get it. What are they? Genetically modified humans? Or ponies? Or aliens?
My girls got this in their Happy Meal and none of us knew what to make of it.
|What has animal ears, a womanly figure, wings, pink hair, yellow skin, and go-go boots?|
No idea. But you will play with it and you will like it!
I am so confused. The label says "My Little Pony," but it's not any little pony that I grew up with.
Since I'm such a great film critic I know you'll all just jump on Netflix and rent it right now. Honestly, I hope you do. Let me know in the comments if you liked it!