Wednesday, March 11, 2015

10 Parenting "Firsts" You Wish Never Happened

We all get excited for those famous firsts in our children's lives: first word, first step, first day of school. But there are some firsts that really aren't so fun for parents.



10 Parenting "Firsts" You Wish Never Happened -- Lots of "firsts" in a child's life are reasons to celebrate. But these 10, well, aren't.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}


1. First blowout diaper. In public. When you have two wipes left in the diaper bag.

2. First time your child lies down screaming on the floor in T.J. Maxx and refuses to get up. Probably because she wanted to pick the shopping cart and you chose the wrong one.

3. First poop in the bathtub. Bonus points if this occurs while you're bathing other siblings at the same time.

4. First attempt at explaining to a preschooler what a tampon is. He found one in your purse, and he just won't stop asking "why."

5. First night cleaning vomit out of bed sheets (and carpet, and clothing, and hair...)

6. First time your kids miss the school bus. Your only chance at a shower disappeared along with the yellow bus vanishing over the horizon. Now you have time to either brush your teeth or change out of your pajama pants before driving your kids to school  but not both.

7. First math homework that you honestly can't help with because you don't understand a word of it. It'll happen sooner than you think it will.

8. First phone call from another parent about something awful your child did. This call will come precisely at a time when you're already feeling like a walking parenting fail, and it will really make your day. Trust me.

9. First time finding a dried booger on the wall. Of course your child won't admit to picking her nose or to wiping it on the wall. At least she didn't eat it.

10. First time you realize that your parents were right.
About everything. And as predicted by your mother, you see that you've ended up with a child exactly like you were.


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21 comments:

  1. May I just add: First X-Ray. Recently experienced that first with my nearly 2-yr old boy. Thankfully he did not have any broken bones but really, that milestone could have been skipped.

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    1. How could I get first trip to the ER?? Ours was so long ago.

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  2. The first time my daughter pooped in the tub was when my husband was in there with her (in a bathing suit, of course). Talk about hilarious!

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  3. Hahaha. Every one of these made me laugh out loud. I'm not a parent yet, but we're expecting. My what I have to look forward to!

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  4. Oh this was funny.

    I have one - how about the time when you're in a public bathroom and your child gets excited because they think you pee pink pee (nope - not pink pee... just having my period). She was so loud and insistent and it was so embarrassing.

    The diaper blow out? Ugh.

    Thanks for sharing and linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

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  5. These are too funny. I don't have kids yet, I still appreciate this post!

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  6. Once again, the humor in your writing leaves a big smile on my face. I consider this more of a warning. I've only experienced 2 out of the 10. So, I'll be bookmarking this for future reference ;)

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  7. Been there and done that at least 3 times with 3 kiddos. Yikes!

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  8. Haha!! These are so good! I've definitely been through a lot of these with the exception of some of the latter ones since my little on is only two, but I'm sure they're coming for me! HAHA! Thanks for linking up on the Saturday Spotlight!

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  9. Yikes, I've had the blowout in public but thankfully caught it in time and had enough wipes. I don't know what I'd do if I ran out of wipes and it overflowed all over his clothes and onto me lol. Great list!

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    1. I've improvised on the wipes (after all, public restrooms have water and paper towels) but probably worse is when you don't have an extra outfit so they end up wearing nothing but a diaper. Which makes your family look super classy in public.

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  10. This is hilarious! And true! My memorable first is when my oldest got a call home from the teacher...on just the third day of kindergarten...for having a complete meltdown. Proud mama right here....

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  11. LOL These are funny, and so true!!!

    Thanks for linking up with the Saturday Spotlight!

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  12. This is great and so true! I love #7. This is how our conversation went: Me "Just borrow the one". Daughter "We are suppose to regroup". Me: "I don't know what that is. Just borrow the one and you will get the right answer." Daughter: "That isn't the way the teacher told me." Me: "Well if you just borrow you will get the same answer." After several minutes she was crying and I wanted to as well. I had to ask the 2nd grade math teacher for a lesson on "regrouping".

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    1. The way they do math is SO different now. If you made it until 2nd grade, you're doing pretty good!

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  13. This made me laugh and confirm each one going down the list! Thanks for sharing on Monday Madness Link Party :)

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  14. May I add the first time your child successfully traps you in a dutch oven and cackles with glee. Good grief!
    PS - my sister's name is Jenny Evans too!
    #MommyMondayBlogHop

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    1. I also have a sister (in law) named Jenny Evans, funnily enough.

      Your children sound delightful. :)

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  15. How about the first time your child loses a tooth, puts in under their pillow in eager anticipaton, and the tooth fairy "forgets" to come?

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    1. Yes, scrambling for an excuse for that one is always fun. You can say that she's on vacation, or that she doesn't work weekends, or go "Are you sure? Maybe it fell on the floor." and then go run to put some money on the floor like it was there all along.

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