Monday, January 22, 2018

Your Attitudes about Basic Things, Before and After Having Kids

When I was younger, I actually enjoyed shopping. Even just window shopping with a friend was a relaxing and interesting way to spend the time.

And then I had children.

Overnight, shopping became a race to grab what I needed and get out of the store as quickly as humanly possible, before someone needed to eat, poop, or sleep.

No longer a social activity, now I keep my head down and hope no one speaks to us. If I stop to chat, one of my kids will start begging for the first thing they see and/or knock over a massive endcap display.

Motherhood changes you, in more ways than one. If you have kids, you’ll agree with every one of these parenting truths - whether you like it or not. #parentinghumor #lifewithkids

It's funny how having kids changes everything. Even your attitude about everyday things like:

Poop


Before: Gross! I don't wanna hear about that.

After: [Date night] So what color was it today? Is it still all seedy? I agree, I think she's not digesting something well.


Daylight Savings Time


Before: An extra hour of sleep!

After: My vote for you as the president depends solely on your stance about getting rid of Daylight Savings Time.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Buying Furniture


Before: I'm looking for a sofa with sleek, clean lines and a color that's attention-grabbing but not overbearing.

After: Literally the only thing I care about is how easy it is to clean. If I could install a drain in the floor and just hose down the entire room once a day, I would.


Running Errands


Before: Oops, we're out of milk! I'll make a quick stop at the store on my way home.

After: *pep talking yourself in the mirror while baby screams in backseat* You are strong. You can do hard things. You are a survivor.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Clothes


Before:  I look so good in these pants! I'm definitely buying them.

After: Are you joking? This has no pockets, no elastic in the waist, and can't be pulled up to nurse. Wait, "dry clean only?!" Who buys this garbage?


Date Night


Before: Do you want to go out or stay in? I don't really care.

After: *peeling out of the driveway*


Noise


Before: That's annoying.

After: Five minutes from now, I will either (a) have tuned it out and achieved Nirvana or (b) be screaming my head off in a closet. Could go either way.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Healthy Eating


Before: Shop locally, buy organic, avoid preservatives, get plenty of vegetables. Considering a juice cleanse or Whole 30.

After: *stress-eating pizza-flavored Goldfish at 8:30 AM*


New Year's Eve


Before: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Happy New Year!

After: If we watch the ball drop in London on YouTube we can still be in bed by 9:30.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Houseplants


Before: Potted plants are the easiest way to add a pop of color to a room.

After: Oh, that brittle brown stalk in the corner? I believe it used to be a philodendron, but I really can't say for sure.


Sunday Mornings


Before: Sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, arrive on time to church.

After: *reenact scene from Home Alone, pull into the church parking lot 15 minutes after the service starts, realize that someone isn't wearing any shoes*

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Phone Calls


Before: I've been so busy, it's good to hear your voice! Tell me everything you've been up to lately.

After: Hi, it's  stop licking that!  it's me. I wanted to  okay, just a minute  see if you  I said no! give me that!  I wanted to ask if you  not now, I'm on the phone  sorry, what were we talking about?


Online Shopping


Before: Awfully convenient, if you ask me.

After: I see the Amazon delivery driver more than I see my own husband. I would die if I had to bring my children to a physical store every time we needed toilet paper.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Haircuts


Before: I just got the cutest mid-length bob. And it's so low-maintenance: I can have it styled in 30 minutes.

After: This scrunchie has been in my hair since my daughter was born. She's 9.


Home Decorating


Before: I decorated this room using colors and textures inspired by this framed art piece, which is hanging over the mantel.

After: The decor theme of this room is "There Appears to Have Been a Struggle." Which is incidentally the theme of every room in the house.


Appointments


Before: Hi, my appointment isn't for 15 minutes, but I was told to arrive early to fill out the paperwork.

After: If my calculations are right, we're already late for the dentist tomorrow afternoon.

Before I had kids, clothes shopping was fun. Now it ranks somewhere between filing my taxes and Chinese water torture.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Pets


Before: The unconditional love of a pet is a glorious thing.

After: There's no way we're putting one more thing in this house that needs me to pick up its poop.


You may have noticed this list both begins and ends with poop, and trust me, that wasn't a coincidence. It's just another one of the many ways your life changes after having children. But that's another post for another time.

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Unremarkable Files

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Same for everything except furniture. Instead of thinking if it is easy to clean, I think about how well it will hide dirt :-)

Marilyn said...

Hahahaha. So true. Although I probably wasn’t quite that put together even Before kids... Having so many of them just gives me a valid excuse to do some of the things I did anyway!😄

Katy said...

Ha ha ha -- peels out of driveway for date night. :)

Jenny Evans said...

They're good for that, too! I prefer to talk mine grocery shopping with me so I don't look so insane when I talk to myself out loud: "What else was I going to get? Oh yeah, carrots. And some onions, too..."

Jenny Evans said...

Apparently you're smarter than me and I've been doing it wrong.