Friday, February 24, 2017

7 Quick Takes about Being the Funniest, How I'm Not Like Kevin McCallister's Mom, and Offensive Ways to Say 'Stew'

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?

1


Every Friday the Today Show and the Huffington Post publish lists of the funniest parents on social media, and I was super-excited to make it on both round-ups last week!


If you like Facebook, check me and the other parents out on Today's Funniest Parents on Facebook (I like #2.)

If you like Twitter, check out Huffington Post's Funniest Parents on Twitter (my favorite is #1.)

And if you're a member of my immediate family, keep complaining about dinner and forgetting to flush the toilet. It provides me with a lot of source material.

P.S: You can visit me anytime on Facebook by clicking here or on Twitter by clicking here. I'll try to make it worth your while.

2


Phillip and I have a long-standing Friday night ritual where right before bed, we check the calendar and spend 5-10 minutes wailing about how early we have to get up in the morning for soccer or basketball or whatever else.

I still can't hardly believe this, but last Friday we looked at the calendar and saw a big blank square. An entire Saturday with nothing. No sports. No lessons. No playdates or birthday parties or church cleaning.

I was so excited about the prospect of sleeping in that I had trouble going to sleep that night. Brains are dumb.

3


Since I'm in the process of doing some major de-junking at home, it's time to tackle this eyesore:

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}
Master bathroom window. Yes, we actually live like this.

Historically, the master bedroom and bathroom were cluttered, neglected casualties of busy big family life. And I was okay with that.

So I didn't feel the urge to replace the cheapo horizontal blinds I like to call 'the landlord special.' And when the kids tore down the one on the right I was fine with hanging a brown blanket in its place and going on with business as usual.

But now that it's clean and organized in there, I'm actually motivated to make the place look nice. First step, I ordered some lovely wood blinds to put in the windows.

Which I'll do as soon as I figure out how to get the boxes open without a sharp instrument.

It's 7 Quick Takes Friday! How was your week?  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}


4


We decided to go out for pizza the other night with my dad and stepmom, who are visiting. We almost accidentally left one kid behind in the chaos of 10 people piling into two separate cars, but did a last-minute head count and realized the mistake before we left the driveway.

My 12-year-old pointed out it was almost like that movie Home Alone, but in my defense we were only going to a pizza place 6 minutes away instead of France. I'd like to think if we were leaving the country I'd be a little more fastidious about making sure we had everybody.

5


I've said before that I can't wait to be a grandparent, because it's all the fun and none of the unpleasant stuff.

The other night the kids were in the other room playing with their grandparents; I was cooking and noticed a funky smell emanating from the baby's general direction.

"Does anybody want to change a poopy diaper??" I called hopefully.

After a few moments of awkward silence, my dad's voice drifted from the other room: " ¡No hablo inglés!"

Figures. One dirty diaper, and suddenly nobody speaks English anymore.

6


Phillip and I haven't been on a proper date in a while, so we jumped at the chance to leave the kids with their grandparents for a few hours and go out for overpriced seafood. And then to another restaurant for cheesecake.

At both places, Phillip could not stop looking at the ceilings and telling me about them. You see, his new job designs building materials, and the project he's working on right now specifically involves ceiling tiles.

His eyes kept wandering up during the evening, and I think I had to snap my fingers at least once to get his attention back to eye level.

This was never a problem when he was at his old job, where he engineered lasers. None of those at the Cheesecake Factory to distract him.

7


Another night, I was making dinner when my 10-year-old walked by and asked what we were having.

"Soup," I answered.

"Like actual soup or gross mush?"

After some follow-up questions, I learned that 'gross mush' isn't meant to be a pejorative word, it's just another term for 'stew.' And apparently someone around here isn't a fan.

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Unremarkable Files

10 comments:

  1. How cool to be recognized! Enjoy your weekend!

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  2. Congrats on being chosen as a feature for the funniest parents segments! As if I didn't already know that! ;) Glad you and Phil had a date night even if he stared at the ceiling too often! Im also glad you didn't leave one child behind for pizza! Too funny!

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  3. Look at you!!!
    Thanks for the chuckles!!!

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  4. Man, you must deserve to be the funniest parent, because I was laughing all the way through this.
    "¡No hablo inglés!" Only that might be a semi-legitimate excuse if my in-laws were visiting...remind me to ask Angel the word for 'diaper change' in Spanish.
    #4 My Mom left me behind in a grocery store parking lot one time because I made the crucial mistake of putting away the cart in the cart rack. I chased the van across the parking lot.
    #6 Made me laugh extra. My Dad has several patents for lenses he designed for lights in cars. We used to not be able to walk across parking lots without him pointing at cars that had "his" lights. But that's better than Angel, who will often intently stare at peoples' arms/inner elbow and sometimes brings up in conversation how much he would or wouldn't want to take their blood based on how nice/not nice their veins are. That's a WHOLE different level, right there. When people have very prominent veins on their face (my baby sister does), he might mention how he's inserted IV ports in facial veins before and that's a technique that might work well on them. Obviously that freaks the 10-year-old out.

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    1. I can just see Angel analyzing people's veins and weirding them out. I've been told by some nurses that I have great veins and by others that I have tiny veins. Do they change??

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  5. Congrats on making the round up. So awesome!

    And yay for date night. Now I want cheesecake.

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    Replies
    1. The chocolate hazelnut crunch cheesecake was the best, but I wouldn't have the macadamia nut cheesecake again. Too many nuts, not enough cheesecake.

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  6. My husband and I just finished our Valentine's Day cheesecake which we didn't get until yesterday. But it's ok that it was late, because, cheesecake. Your kids crack me up. Have a great weekend.

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  7. Congratulations for making that round up! They chose wisely, because you are hilarious and awesome and I'm so grateful for your blog :)
    I'm really confused as how you are supposed to open up those blinds. Are you supposed to poke a chopstick at the tape or something to try and rip it open? Use your fingernail power to rip off the tape? Who knows. Good luck with that!

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  8. I am not at ALL surprised that you made those round ups...you are hilarious and always have been! Congrats!

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