Monday, January 23, 2017

It Was An Accident (Or, Why Parenting Sometimes Looks Like a Slapstick Comedy)

You know how kids are always saying, "I didn't mean to! It was an accident!"

Well, sometimes it is.

As a parent you accidentally do all kinds of things. Things that make parenting look like a scene lifted from a Three Stooges movie. Things like these.

As a parent you accidentally do all kinds of things. Things that make parenting look like a scene lifted from a Three Stooges movie. Things like these.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

  • Pressed the "door close" button on the van. While a child was still climbing out of it.

  • Opened the fridge into the head of a hapless child standing in the kitchen.

  • Whacked your toddler in the chin while adjusting the chest clip of his car seat.

  • Flung open the mudroom door, which connected with a child's behind and knocked her headfirst into the shoe basket.

  • Pinched a chubby little thigh in a seat belt.

  • Swung the microwave open into the cranium of a child sitting on the counter helping you make brownies.

  • Bonked your toddler in the head with the baby carrier in the crook of your arm.

  • Clotheslined your daughter with a cupboard door when she turned the corner and walked into the kitchen.

  • Smacked a child's head on the ceiling of the car when getting him out.

  • Paused to bend over and pick up a stray sock, causing the kid behind you to quite literally bounce off your butt and fall onto his. (To be fair you had no idea the little ninja was following you...)

  • Hit the baby in the forehead when pulling up your shirt to nurse.

  • Turned a corner too sharply with a kid on your hip and bumped her head on the doorframe.

  • Playfully tossed your son in a tall snowbank. And watched him disappear under the snow and start screaming.

Of course you'll feel terrible about all of these, but you're not doing it intentionally! And look on the bight side: maybe you can take your Larry, Moe, and Curly act on the road.

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Unremarkable Files

15 comments:

  1. Mine is smacking the baby's head with the cabinet door while she's in the sling!

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  2. I'm literally lol'ing because I'm guilty of so many of these! Many a children have bounced right off of my butt. That's what happens when they follow too closely. :)

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  3. Oh yes! And just just reserved to Mommys!! As an Omie, I've done several of these myself!

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  4. hahahaha! Sometimes there's just too many bodies in all the wrong places at all the wrong times...

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  5. Hahahaha... Envisioning all these right now! I don't have kids, but I can remember my mom doing some of these with me and my brother. Ha. And maybe my cousins got some form of these from me while we were all growing up... ;)

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  6. I think you just described the last fail video I saw on youtube ;)

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    1. Now that you mention it, a compilation of all these would make a pretty epic video. Give me a week and I can have it ready!

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  7. Haha, this is so true! Just today I knocked over my unsuspecting toddler as she was stalking me by lurking behind the bathroom door.

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    1. Natural consequences are supposed to be the best teacher!

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  8. Mine is smacking the child in the face with the vacuum. Push forward. Pull back. Knock child out. I can't hear you sneak up on me and why are you standing right there?!?

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    1. Yes! How about you never get behind me because it never, ever turns out well!

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  9. Awww pinched a thigh in the car seat! That is so sad. That and cutting their finger while trying to cut their NAIL because STOP BEING SQUIRMY. Actually it's her own fault. I don't care that she's 18 months old. lol

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  10. On the up side, nothing quite motivates your kid to figure out how to get herself safely buckled into her OWN carseat . . . like having Mom smack her head on the doorframe EVERY TIME she puts her in there ; ) Not that I know anyone who's ever done that . . . .

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