Monday, January 23, 2017

It Was An Accident (Or, Why Parenting Sometimes Looks Like a Slapstick Comedy)

You know how kids are always saying, "I didn't mean to! It was an accident!"

Well, sometimes it is.

As a parent you accidentally do all kinds of things. Things that make parenting look like a scene lifted from a Three Stooges movie. Things like these.

As a parent you accidentally do all kinds of things. Things that make parenting look like a scene lifted from a Three Stooges movie. Things like these.  {posted @ Unremarkable Files}

Off the top of my head, I have:
  • Pressed the "door close" button on the van. While a kid was still climbing out of it.

  • Opened the fridge into the head of a hapless child.

  • Whacked my toddler in the face while adjusting the chest clip of his car seat.

  • Opened the mudroom door into a child's behind and knocked her headfirst into the shoe basket.

  • Pinched a chubby little thigh in a seat belt.

  • Swung the microwave open into the cranium of a child sitting on the counter helping me make brownies.

  • Bonked my toddler in the head with the baby carrier. So many times.

  • Clotheslined my daughter with a cupboard door opened at just the wrong time.

  • Smacked my child's head on the ceiling of the car trying to get him out.

  • Bent over to pick up a stray sock, causing the kid behind me to quite literally bounce off my butt and fall onto his.

  • Hit the baby in the forehead when pulling up my shirt to nurse.

  • Bumped my kids' head on the doorframe as I carried her on my hip.

  • Playfully tossed my son in a tall snowbank. And watched him disappear under the snow and start screaming.

Of course you feel terrible about all of these, but you're not doing it intentionally! And look on the bight side: maybe it just means you're almost ready to take your Larry, Moe, and Curly act on the road. Other parents are going to love it.

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Unremarkable Files

17 comments:

  1. Mine is smacking the baby's head with the cabinet door while she's in the sling!

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  2. I'm literally lol'ing because I'm guilty of so many of these! Many a children have bounced right off of my butt. That's what happens when they follow too closely. :)

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  3. Oh yes! And just just reserved to Mommys!! As an Omie, I've done several of these myself!

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  4. hahahaha! Sometimes there's just too many bodies in all the wrong places at all the wrong times...

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  5. Hahahaha... Envisioning all these right now! I don't have kids, but I can remember my mom doing some of these with me and my brother. Ha. And maybe my cousins got some form of these from me while we were all growing up... ;)

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  6. I think you just described the last fail video I saw on youtube ;)

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    1. Now that you mention it, a compilation of all these would make a pretty epic video. Give me a week and I can have it ready!

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  7. Haha, this is so true! Just today I knocked over my unsuspecting toddler as she was stalking me by lurking behind the bathroom door.

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    1. Natural consequences are supposed to be the best teacher!

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  8. Mine is smacking the child in the face with the vacuum. Push forward. Pull back. Knock child out. I can't hear you sneak up on me and why are you standing right there?!?

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    1. Yes! How about you never get behind me because it never, ever turns out well!

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  9. Awww pinched a thigh in the car seat! That is so sad. That and cutting their finger while trying to cut their NAIL because STOP BEING SQUIRMY. Actually it's her own fault. I don't care that she's 18 months old. lol

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  10. On the up side, nothing quite motivates your kid to figure out how to get herself safely buckled into her OWN carseat . . . like having Mom smack her head on the doorframe EVERY TIME she puts her in there ; ) Not that I know anyone who's ever done that . . . .

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  11. With six kids, it happened, it happened. But my daughter had one recently, she was closing the back window in her car, and caught the 4 year old daughter's finger in the window, who started crying, which started the baby crying, which started her crying. Sad for them all.

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    1. I had the same thing to one of my kids years ago, and to this day the child still reminds me of it every single time we get in the car.

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