Before my 4-year-old randomly grabbed this easy reader at the library, I have to admit that I didn't know Wonder Woman's backstory. It's... interesting.
You know, she's just your regular old Amazonian warrior princess turned top-secret government worker who fights crime with her magical lasso of truth. And talks to animals. And flies.
So many questions were raised by the reading of this book. Why does she need an invisible jet if she can fly by herself? How does spinning turn her into Wonder Woman? And does it get annoying constantly hitching up her costume so it doesn't fall down when she's saving the world?
(Spoiler: I just about spit my drink out of my nose at "In your satin tights/Fighting for your rights." Plan your beverage intake accordingly.)
Since we're like quasi-vegetarians now (I still don't know how that happened, it's probably a phase,) I decided to just go off the deep end entirely and make veggie burgers.
I've never eaten one in my life but there's a first time for everything. And the recipe was called "Best-Ever Veggie Burgers." So. Can't argue with that.
I started prepping things a day early, because they were so much work. I was in my kitchen roasting beets and running them over a box grater, you guys. But by then I was in too deep to listen to reason and quit.
I convinced Phillip to help me finish the prep work after the kids went to bed, and here are some things you would've heard in our kitchen if you'd been there:
- "This is SO gross." (roasted grated beets look like bloody entrails, FYI)
- "It says 'salt to taste' but I don't want to put this in my mouth."
- "There is no way this is going to taste good."
- *gagging noises*
It didn't really taste like anything, actually. It was the texture we didn't like. They just sort of fell apart when you bit into them.
When you take into account how long they took to make, I'd say they were the least worth it thing I've ever done.
But that's not all the weird stuff I've been doing in the kitchen. I just made a batch of lactation cookies.
I've never made enough milk for my babies, even though I've tried drinking boatloads of water and even taking fenugreek supplements that came in giant horse pills that tasted like hay and made me smell like maple syrup. (It was delightful.)
But I've never tried lactation cookies, so I figured what could the harm be? Even if they don't work, I've still got cookies.
Besides, they're medicinal cookies so that means I don't have to share them with anyone.
We were looking over our health insurance statements and noticed that my 6-week postpartum checkup with my OB-GYN included a charge for "psychiatric."
I had to think hard about what that could mean until I remembered that in the lobby before my appointment I filled out a 10-question true/false survey to screen me for postpartum depression. It took maybe 20 seconds to fill out.
And that's what $7.50 of psychiatric services looks like.
With it being summer vacation and everyone home all day long, the kids are getting a little too familiar with each other and using not-so-nice voices to speak with each other.
So, problem-solvers that we are, we decided that we were going to put out a bar of soap in the entryway. Every time someone speaks unkindly, they have to go lick the soap.
(And yes, I am the mean mom who slips it in a Ziploc bag in her purse before we go to the park because hey, mean words can happen there, too.)
Our kids run the gamut in their reactions, from one who is so sure she never wants the soap that she turned into a saccharine-tongued princess overnight, to one who actually likes licking the soap and couldn't care less. I think overall, it's working though.
Phillip's new cell phone through work is legit fancy. It's even got high-tech fingerprint recognition to unlock it, which we thought was so cool until Phillip got a cut on his thumb and couldn't get in.
Eventually he racked his brain and was able to remember his backup password, but until he did I took great pleasure in using my phone in front of him unnecessarily just because I could. (He's always crowing about how his phone is better than mine.)
Here's a handy chart from our can of black olives that you might want to screenshot and keep handy for your reference:
|Chips, you're a loser snack for loser-y losers.|
What I want to know is, why are they comparing olives and chips? I get that they're both snack foods... kiiiind of. But a direct comparison is a little bit of a stretch.
But that reminds me, I need to go check the bag of baby carrots in the fridge to see whether they're healthier than Oreos; be right back.